There is a very fine line…
Everyone has answers. And suggestions. And words of advice. Yet no one has walked in my shoes. At least not in the sense that they fully understand my mission, my intent, or ultimately, my calling.
Events of the past year have brought my husband and me to the decision to sell our home, pack up our lives after only one year as empty nesters, and move into my mom’s home to offer support as her short term memory slowly disintegrates. We could have waited because my mother is capable of caring for herself still. But I wanted to be here while she still remembered. I wanted to still share in the day to day routine while it still existed. I wanted to give her, and me, a quality that would not exist if I chose to wait a few months, a year, or until it was too late.
Looking in from the outside, there are many opinions. But that’s no different than when I was learning how to be a mom for the first time. Everyone had all the answers. And suggestions. And words of advice. And then later, when my children were older and I had “mom” experience, people still spoke their observations out loud to me, uninvited, yet clearly articulated.
There are times I have felt experiences with my heart before my eyes could comprehend the magnitude upon my life. But these experiences I kept to myself because I feared outsiders who looked into my world with a judgment call or an explanation I didn’t request.
Other times I have expressed my experiences and insights unashamed, only to find myself facing the very fear that held me silent before. So I learned to guard my heart. As a result, I have held many things hostage in my heart. There are times I have not reached out because I feared a reprimand or criticism. There are times I have held my tongue when speaking truth would have a rocked a boat or caused tension. There are times I have watched from a distance instead of offering kindness. But the time for silence is broken.
This blog is about the Fine Lines…the very fine lines between speaking and being silent; between believing and questioning; between understanding and accepting; between acting and standing down. Such lines are so fragile they blur with a whisper of a breeze. Yet so important that if missed, they may never again be captured.